I want my damn shoe back!!!!

as a little girl you watch movies like Cinderella and you wait in this mindset of one day my prince will come... as you get older well as i got i began to feel more and more like one of the girls in the kingdom trying on a shoe that just doesn't fit, basically cause it wasn't mine... how many of you ladies out have tried on shoes that you thought were yours only to find out again and again that it's not yours? we so often try to fill shoes that we are not called to fill. we are princess, we are ladies in waiting, but i'm at a point where i just want my shoe back! i had a conversation with a few friends about dating and relationships... i'm realizing that i have a misconception of what it looks like to date someone.. hahahahah that's right i do i am admitting it? I want to live in a picture of a perfect world where a boy pursues and i just i pretty much stand back watch my love life unfold for me... this my dear friends is a false reality.. i am way to much of a control freak to put my romantic future in the hands of some boy/man and allow him to just sweep me off my feet.. i want it done my way (which of course is always the right now) LOL i am giggling as i right this.. the reality of the situation is... i don't trust the man the Lord has given my shoe.. i don't trust him to steward it well... i feel like he's gonna break it before he finds that it's my foot it goes on... i think i can do a better job at knowing how to romance myself and taking carer of myself... so damn it i want my shoe back.. i mean really it's made out of glass it's delicate...

your shoe/ glass slipper is a picture of your heart... but one man can truly hold your heart you were created for one other human being, one person to have the most intimate relationship... so what happens when you find that person, you both know, everyone around you knows, but that person walks away... completely walks away because they were scared they were to busy they were preoccupied with all life was offering at the time.. you are left without...the one person who was to protect your shoe just broke it...

yeah i know people say there are plenty of fish in the sea but... none of those other fish as great as they may be have your shoe..

with all that said i want my shoe back i want to hold on and protect it myself.. i want to know it will never be broken... like i said above i have control issues i'm working on those.. until i really let go i guess i'm just not ready to try on my shoe the correct shoe the one made just for me.

Can you please just say you believe in me?

Doing some random browsing tonight at Target... i received a phone call from my mother( i love her dearly)... ok wait let me back this up and preface a few things i finished cosmetology school a little under a year ago but do to some circumstances completely out of my control(financially) i still haven't been able to take my test and get my license... with all that said let's go back to to the convo with mi madre... she basically talking to me about helping pay off the rest of what i owe so i can take my test and finally get my license... yeah!!! awesome!! I am really excited about this..(more prefacing) As some of you know and for those of you don't before i got out of school last year i really sought the Lord about what the next steps should be in my career and for a while things just felt of... really cause i was seeking out what place i should set instead what the Lord's plan really was.. after a lot of prayer and a lot of disbelief and then a lot of conformation i knew that working a salon was not what i was supposed to be looking into doing...i knew that whatever and wherever i was to end up doing was going to be nothing but a work of God... about a month after getting out of school i knew i was to start a business... just me doing what i love to all for the Glory of God... after talking with my mentors and my parents and those who are a real covering in my life there was so much more peace about taking real steps forward into building a business from the ground up.... (back again) while on the phone my mom suggest for me to go work in a salon.. mainly for the money aspect of it all... which i completely understand she doesn't want to see me struggle in life however... it felt like she was saying i don't believe in you and your dream. Yes she did say that i could do my own thing too and even have three jobs and still work at the coffee shop... but all i heard was you aren't good enough to make it.. you aren't making it.... i know that wasn't her intention by any means.. i know that she wants nothing but the best for me.... Sometimes i just need her to be my cheerleader... my #1 FAN... i need her of all people to just believe in faith with me... to just say I Believe in YOU and what the Lord has for you.

A new year A new season A new place of life...

A friend of mine said " i don't make resolutions i make goals"... i though about that for a awhile and came to a conclusion that to really follow through with a resolution you have to have a resolve... something moving forward something driving to complete what you have set out to do. what is your resolve what is making you want to win to finish to even begin? This year i am pursuing my dreams...not just talking about it but truly being about it... this new year is going to be about focus about living a real life and doing real things and reaching real people... my focus isn't about who i cam hang out with or how many people i can meet it's shifting it's about being who i am in Christ... it's about serving people... This year i want to taste, to touch with my heart, to see with my inner eyes the wonder that is God!!... this is a new season... a new place in life.. a new decade.... wow... i want to be about it and not just talk about it...