All of my life people have told me that there is a plan and a purpose for my life. I know this is true because i have seen the Lord move on my behalf in my life He has saved me from so much and has brought me to a place of pure brokenness before him. Yet even though i know these things to be true you can't see the fruit from it in my life you can't see any of it. If it is true that you live your life by what you believe to be true then i believe that emptiness, apathy, and confusion are the way they way to God. I have been living my life on E(empty). My glass isn't even half full most days... just kind of going and going try to be who am supposed to be without any guidance or real direction.
The reason for this is simple... I DON'T TRUST HIM!!! and by Him i mean the source the only thing in life worth living for. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to trust it has everything to do with not knowing how to trust. I don't know how to look to him as a loving father when i never had one. is that an excuse no it's just the deep rooted issue of the truth. There is no trust on my part which therefore means there is no confidence in who is.
However this question was posed to me today... "what would you do if nothing (time, money, education,etc.) were an obstacle and you had full confidence in God?" Phil.4:8 says
"8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things arejust, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
Today i choose to meditate on theses things...still not really knowing how to answer the question that was posed to or even how to trust God or to have confidence in him. there will be more on this to come i know the Lord is speaking to me and i know i just have to my ear to his words... choosing faith and choosing obedience over my own desire and my own will.
Please pray for me as i walk through this Journey of healing of hope and of understanding.
-Jazz
questioning is a part of life, and some people do it far more often than others. i do it obsessively, and i realize that it's due to the low confidence in myself. but focusing on God instead of myself is hard to do too when i don't trust that he's really around sometimes. this verse you added is nice, like a way to inadvertently fix ourselves on God, through meditating on God-like things.
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